yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
pray to the hookup gods
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
