I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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