I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
