at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I am puke
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
