I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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