his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
