I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize