Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
