Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize