I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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