What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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