community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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