the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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