I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
