Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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