The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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