this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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