How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize