Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
