is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
