My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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