Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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