so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
