it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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