jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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