So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
