he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sext me about skeletons
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
