If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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