Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize