Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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