I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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