A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
