Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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