My brain says no but my pants say off.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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