i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
