what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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