My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
