I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
where are my eyebrows?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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