tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want a musical about memes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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