Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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