so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
