and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
