My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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