tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
