i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
