Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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