My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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