every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
