NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
