Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
