My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
