The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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