just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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