Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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