thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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