Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
