Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
