The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
