I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize