Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
