Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize