apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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