If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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