just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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