Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
