So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
