at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
