Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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