I've blown a few things in my day
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
