bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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