I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
